About 10 years ago, when I was a college student and life was uncomplicated, I had a bumper sticker on my 1987 Chevy Nova that simply said "Positive." While it seems naive now, I remember imagining how that little word would impact anyone who happened to be driving behind me. I guess you could categorize me as one of "those" people. You know, the ones who turn lemons into lemonade and see the glass as half full. But I gotta be honest with you: This past year has made me want to just dump out the whole glass of lemon juice. And I'm surely not alone.
But life goes on. And as we move forward with navigating a tough economy — and integrating Wachovia and Wells Fargo at the same time — it becomes more important than ever for each of us to stay focused on what we can control. So, we've recruited a new guest blogger, Keith Whitaker. Keith holds a Ph.D in Social Thought, is a former philosophy professor at Boston College 
and advises families on how to develop and reach their financial goal. Keith's post below offers some great advice on how to deal with tough economic situations, and wouldn't you know, he says it all starts with being positive.
Ever try to bounce a basketball that you found half-deflated in the back of your garage? Or unsnap an elastic band that's been wrapped around a sheaf of tax documents from ten years ago? The results were probably pretty weak.
Many people feel like those half-deflated balls or petrified elastics right now. We don't have much "bounce." We've watched the stock market decline by around 50% in the last year. We read every day about job losses — and perhaps have been personally affected.
Economists and market experts tell us that what goes down will go back up. But the prospect of a sustainable market upturn at some undefined future point — maybe today, maybe next year, who knows? — doesn't necessarily help me get through today. It is easy to lose hope.
What can you do to avoid or get out of that place? You can strengthen your own resilience, literally your ability to "bounce back" from the slings and arrows that fortune sends your way. Psychological studies of resilience, particularly led by the work of Dr. Salvator Maddi , have shown that three general practices can help strengthen your ability to bounce back:
- Take care of yourself, physically and spiritually. For me it means getting more sleep, eating healthier, and putting less caffeine into my system. It can also include spending a few moments each day in reflection or silent meditation. It's hard to take care of others if you don't care of yourself.
- Establish quality social connections, at work and at home. It's quality not quantity that counts here. As the markets show, fear is infectious. And how good do you feel if you hang out with folks who are worried about losing their jobs, their money, or their house? Stay centered by spending time with people who affirm you, focus forward, and dissipate the gloom.
- Develop a positive, forward-focused attitude. This makes all the difference. I know that when I'm feeling resilient, I feel in control rather than powerless, committed to my pursuits rather than alienated, and challenged positively rather than threatened. How do you feel?
Maintaining such an attitude is not easy in times like these. The markets and the government aren't in our control. But what we can control is what our heads do with the news.
I know that many times (especially when I look at my account statements!) I've found myself saying, "I would have, could have, or should have..." I focus on what's gone wrong or where I failed rather than on what has turned out well. These are mental habits that get in the way of trusting myself....
Here are some other pitfalls I watch out for in turbulent times: "Catastrophizing," the mental prophecy of doom and gloom; "fortune-telling," assuming I know what will happen; "personalizing," the tendency to blame myself for things outside my control; and blaming others for upsetting outcomes that they couldn't possibly avert. Sound familiar, anyone?
In all these cases, there are simple steps to catch the "talk" in your head that's tripping you up and redirect your attention more positively:
- Pay attention to what you're saying to yourself. Are you playing these negative tapes in your mental stereo?
- Ask yourself, "Is what I'm saying helpful?"
- And substitute a more useful thought.
If you take these steps towards self-awareness, you can then,
- Avoid the blame game
- Shift your focus forward
- Focus on the positive.
Make sure your own greatest assets — your smarts and your experience — work for you and not against you. We can't always understand what's going on in the markets. But if we're going to get through the current crisis, we need to understand what's going on in our own heads.
What do you do when you're facing tough times, in the markets, at work, or at home? What reflections and tips can you offer each other? I'd love to hear from you!
In my next post, I'll take a look at specific strategies you can use to build upon personal resilience to create more trusting relationships with others during these tough times.
keep more posts like these coming.
These ideas are cold comfort when your bank's CSR's can't even give you an approximate date as to when they will have Obama's Making Home Affordable modification plan up and running to serve customers in deperate need of help and close to losing their homes and ruining their credit. Is the Wells/Wachovia merger delaying response to the Obama plan to help homeowners? Why can't reps even provide a general timeline as to when a plan will be in place?
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Sarah
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"Moderator", you DO realize now that "Sarah" is a spambot which posts identical messages to this on every blog that allows unregistered posting it encounters, right? "Sarah" is not a person, it's a few lines of Perl on some server in NotHereIstan.
I hope you're guarding customer data with better practices and understanding of how Internet security threats work than demonstrated here.
Do the tough times derate our credit score? Do tough times derate our payment history? I learned that 790 is not a good enough score in these times. I also learned that a perfect payment history since the times of Norwest and before is not good enough. I am trying to get past the bad times and make them good times but I learned that Wells Fargo does not put any value on these traits. Even when asking for a $150,000 refinance on a $360,000 home. Yes we must get past the bad times and wait for the rates to go up for approvals, not 4.7% from 6.7. We can not approve that as trying for a good time????? Care to respond anyone.
It's good to see your comments. We were so delighted to see the merger of Wachovia/Wells Fargo. My daughter in Minneapolis has been a long time customer with Wells. Big Banks have suffered big problems; but we have confidence Wells will come through (especially with the 3 billion profit for first quarter). However little people also have big problems and some action on the Obama plan for home modifications would truly help. She's eligible, but can get no word on whether Wachovia has even begun to process her application. In the meantime, foreclosure looms. Read the posts on other sites... we're not alone.